The do's and don'ts of marketing

Published 10/29/98

Random shots from a loose cannon...

° An article in last week's Wall Street Journal reported that Nabisco's earnings were down 40 percent. Now, although I don't think that our city's supposed boycott on Nabisco products contributed to this red ink, I do feel that there is a sense of justice in this cruel world after all.

When Nabisco announced it was closing down the local plant here some time ago, it wasn't because the workers there were unproductive. Instead of properly marketing its primary product, Nabisco instead threw money down the drain to promote its newer, low-fat snack brands. While its competitors got a bigger share of the high-fat, high-calorie market, Nabisco's profits slimmed down. And the blue-collar workers had to suffer.

I'm probably the last person to cringe when I see the salary figure of a CEO, but punishing people who had nothing to do with administrative debacles isn't right. But hey, that's the consequences for living in a free market.

° Environmentalists are now targeting Home Depot because they use old-growth wood in some of its products. An open letter to Depot's marketing suits: Tape a commercial of your head executives cleaning up the mess made by people in New York City's Central Park after the next Earth Day. Broadcast it to any available media you can.

° Speaking of marketing campaigns, there is a war going on between our city's two daily newspapers on who has the better slogan. Should I "stay posted" with Mr. Block, or perhaps I need to "get a better read on Pittsburgh" with Mr. Scaife. After much consideration, I've decided that the winner is ... The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review.

The deciding factor was that every time I see one of the Trib's ads featuring a columnist or reporter plastered along the side of a PAT bus, there is usually some sort of graffiti added on. Seeing a business columnist with a fake mustache or beard may not be the most scientific way to determine an effective ad, but when you're heading home after a 14-hour work day, that chuckle you get from this primitive defacement keeps you going until you reach home.

Now if only I could see PG editor John Craig Jr. in a penciled-in goatee.

° With all the ads our government is running on television lately saying that Americans are overweight and need to exercise, I can only wonder: Look who's talking!

The most bloated, obese person I know is Uncle Sam. Until he takes a little off the sides (for example, spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to study "caffeinated gum" for our military) I'm not going to give up my bag of Doritos and non-Nabisco cookies.

The day the government watches its bottom dollar will be the day I start watching my waistline. Deal?

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