Great game, bad joke

Published 1/22/98

Well, here I was, all up and ready to write a brilliant column about the Super Bowl and how the National Football Conference always lays a whipping on the American Football Conference, but a funny thing happened on the way to the printer's shop.

The Denver Broncos won.

For the first time since 1983, the AFC won a Super Bowl - just my luck. Oh well, it looks like I have to find something else to write about. Let's see... should I stay in the Super Bowl area and talk about some of its lame commercials (I'm starting to miss the 'Just do it' slogan already) or some of the outrageous betting that took place during this once-a-year gamblefest? (Americans truly have too much time on their hands when they bet whether or not Michael Jordan will score more points than the Green Bay Packers.)

Nah. I'll just rag on the President for the next 400 words.

Unless you've been on Mars for the last week or so, I'm sure you've heard all about this Monica Lewinsky-Bill Clinton saga, and I'm equally as sure that by the third or fourth day some of you have grown tired of all the media coverage. Don't worry; this isn't going to be an article probing another angle into this White House fiasco. Instead, I'd just like to relay back to my adoring public some the jokes I've heard during the last week or so as a result of all this.

Now, before I begin, I want to make it clear that my decision on whether or not the President did anything with his former intern is still up in the air. If you don't believe me, check out the North Hills News Record's Friday, Jan. 23, edition and right there on the front page you'll see my ugly mug. In the article, I'm quoted as saying the president isn't charged with any wrongdoing. The reason I say this is because the Washington media is running around like a pack of rabid dogs, sniffing for any traces of blood they can use.

I know this firsthand because on Thursday, Jan. 22, I was listening to the radio when Special Prosecutor Kenneth Starr attempted to make a statement to the media. I emphasize the word "attempt" because it took almost five minutes for security to push back reporters and camerapeople from the microphones before Starr could mutter a word. But that's beside the point because I'm running out of space to tell my joke. Here goes:

Bill Clinton has a dream. In the dream he sees George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln. Figuring these three to be great former presidents, Clinton approaches each one and asks them for advice.

"George Washington," Clinton said. "You were a great president. What advice do you have for me?"

"Tell the truth," Washington said.

Clinton asks Jefferson the same question and gets the same reply: Finally, Clinton walks over to Lincoln and said, "Abraham Lincoln, one of our greatest presidents. What advice do you have for me to become a better president?"

"Go to the theater," Lincoln said.

Well, there it is. If you didn't like this joke, don't blame me.

Blame the Broncos.

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