Taxes aren't just a duty, they're a privilege

Published 3/26/98

Random shots from a loose cannon...

° This week at work my Occupational Privilege Tax is due. Oh goody!

So now I have to fork over $10 for the privilege of working. I guess it could be worse. Some local politicians want to increase the tax from $10 to $50.

Why limit taxes to those who work? How about a "public assistance tax" for those trying to get out of the poverty cycle, a "cemetery maintenance tax" for those no longer with us, or better yet an "unborn tax" for those yet to grace us with their presence. And if the unborn should not make it because of a miscarriage or abortion, then we can have the IRS circle their parent's house and make them cough up a couple of bucks.

° And speaking of tax dollars. The Department of Education spends $1.3 million to caption "Jerry Springer." If this isn't' a waste of the taxpayer's money, I don't know what is. Don't get me wrong. I love "Jerry Springer." It's heartwarming to see people more disturbed than me making fools of themselves on national television. But why have captioning for a show that gets its audio bleeped out for bad language every five seconds?

° Kudos to the Pittsburgh Penguins for not trading Petr Nedved. If the Pens should win the Stanley Cup, these last 12 months of trying to sign this guy would be all worth it. Then we can listen to Nedved whine about not having the opportunity to play on a championship team.

° While I'm on the sports angle, with the upcoming Pirates' home opener just around the corner, it's going to take more than a freak show for them to win the division. It's going to take a freak of nature.

With division rivals Houston Astros and St.. Louis Cardinals loading up with more, and expensive, talent, it should be interesting to see how the Bucs handle being sophomore overachievers.

° Bill Cowher making less than six figures and Dick Vermeil is close to $2 million? Pay the man Dan Rooney!

° Could this be coming to Pittsburgh? At some red lights across the country, law enforcement agencies are putting cameras in the stoplights, and the camera takes pictures of those who drive through intersections after the light turns red.

So now, when you're faced waiting for three minutes at a red light when it's 2 a.m. at an empty intersection, you may get a gift in the mail several days later in the form of a $50 fine. Be warned!

If you think it couldn't happen here, Port Authority Transit is going to equip its new buses with mini surveillance cameras to spy on those who feel like writing their exgirlfriend's phone number on the seat.

° This is a message for the suits at Home Depot. If the East Liberty gig doesn't work out, come on up to the North Hills brother - we'll take care a' ya real nice.

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