Parting shots and final observations

Published 11/19/98

Random shots from a loose cannon...

° How come professors who have degrees that contain more letters than the English alphabet can't figure out how to operate the classroom VCR?

° Humans are amazing. We can put a man on the moon and transplant animal organs into people. But approach a four-way intersection with three other motorists and see how long the four of you play a game of "who will go first."

° For as long as I can remember, Pittsburgh teams have been marketed as a bunch of rouges that win through grit and determination. This leaves many fans to reminisce of the city's steel mills filled with rugged common folk who had an incredible work ethic that always seemed to pull them through in the end.

Well, the mills aren't coming back and with Pittsburgh's new corporate image, shouldn't a more accurate image of Pittsburgh's teams be that way as well? Management decisions go a long way to determine a team's success in the trenches.

Cam Bonifay and Tom Donahoe may not be able to sell jerseys or trading cards, but if it wasn't for the suits pulling the strings on deals up in those luxury boxes, the Steelers and Pirates wouldn't be able to stay as competitive as they have been.

° Being a frequent radio talk show caller to KDKA and WTAE, I have amassed a few pointers for those who wish to contribute in the talk radio arena.

1. Turn down the radio before the host calls on you! There is about a seven second delay from when you talk to the host to when your voice is heard. If you keep your radio on, the host and listeners will laugh at you. If you want to hear yourself, get a tape and record your segment on the air with the volume down.

2. When the host calls your name and you hear a beep or burst of static, start talking. Don't sit there and say "Hello?", and whatever you do, don't eat anything while trying to make your point.

3. When on a nationally syndicated program, be prepared to wait on hold for a while. During this time, prepare your thoughts. Write them down if you must. This way you'll sound more appealing to the millions of people listening to you.

4. If you keep calling the station and all you get is a busy signal, remember the seven second tape delay. While a caller on the radio is talking, guess ahead of time when that person is off the air. When you guess that the host has hung up on them, hit the redial button and hope for the best.

Above all, enjoy your 30 seconds of fame on the air. J.T. the Brick, a nationally syndicated sports talk show host, was a frequent caller to another talk show, and that's how he got his break. He can be heard on WTAE from 1 a.m. to 6 a.m. Mondays through Fridays.

° Being the last time I fill up this 450-word space, I would like to thank those who took the time out to read this weekly column of so-called wit and wisdom.

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